A Fall from Grace

I vividly recall how she sobbed uncontrollably without ceasing. How she rued everyone in the room that somber afternoon even though she didn't show it. How all of a sudden, she had a distaste for everyone who seemed to care. It was painful watching her. As for me, there was an unending bitter taste that seemed to linger in my mouth and wouldn't  go away no matter how much i tried not to blame them; all those in the room. 

I'd like to date my story from the time we were doing well as a family. The time my parents were "quite rich" for as now, that's  not the case. How our house got visitors each and every single time. Many are the days i was called out of my room to come and say hello to them  and thereafter escort them while they were about to leave. I knew most of my parents friends and colleagues if not all. I remember how i got distracted from reading due to the noise being made while they went about chatting and laughing in the living room. My parents were all warm and welcoming when they dealt with people. This, i guess is one aspect i learnt from them. To treat all with dignity and respect. To be kind and while at it, not to forget to be humble. 

One aspect that they were not familiar with or rather they disregarded as not important is that people can change. That things can change at the snap of a finger. They say when your ducks aren't in a row, two things happen... Silence becomes full and our lives become empty. Ladies and gentlemen, this is was the turn of events at our so called home.

I recall how all of a sudden my father was home most of the time, sitting in the blue sofa at the corner of the house, less jovial and most of the time reading an A5 sized book with numerous pages. I was young then, and didn't know the 'book' was the Holy Bible and his 'less jovial' mood was a sign of depression that was slowly and closely getting to him. Regardless of all this, he was still supportive with my homework. He never gave us a hint that things had gone haywire. Even when we went home due to tuition fees ( which was unusual ), he always got a way to get us back in the classroom. You know there are things one doesn't understand when they're young, until they grow up. There are things one doesn't get to appreciate until they're gone. But growing up has made me appreciate the efforts my father made when he had nothing and understand that it's okay to struggle and it's also okay to ask for help at such instances.

My mother on the other hand wasn't badly off. She still had her job, she still loved her two children, she still loved her husband, she had to take up the role as the provider until dad was up on his feet. Deep within her, something grew; strong attachment to family, a strong desire to not let her husband be seen as a "dead-beat". The urge to keep on fighting sustained our house. Her perseverance and the love she had for us all  was put to test, i believe, but she stood strong. She was too strong to let people she called her friends discourage her from keeping on with her marriage. By so doing, she tells me she lost several friends. Grace, which was my mothers name, should have been Graphene, because she was strong at heart, strong in the mind. So strong to keep our family together.

On this somber afternoon, she was alone in a room filled by a crowd of people. Her black veil and her downcast eyes revealed that a void was left in her heart. Her strong heart. By a person she loved the most. The same person she told "Yes, i do" 13 years ago. In her mind, are thoughts of how people can leave when you least expect. Thoughts of how she lobbied people and requested for their assistance when her dear husband was left bedridden. 

I am still trying to heal from the wound, the trauma of seeing people betraying their closest confidants. All in the name of gaining, of acquiring more. I ask myself how much is a lot? What is the cost of satisfaction? I ask this question... What does it benefit a man if he gains the whole world and lose out on the Kingdom of God?